What Does It Mean to Trust Yourself?

At the beginning of a new year, many of us think about change. We reflect on what we want to do differently, what we want to let go of, and how we hope to feel in the months ahead. Underneath many of these reflections sits a quieter question: What does it mean to trust yourself?

Self-trust is often talked about as confidence, as being decisive or sure of yourself. But for many people, trusting themselves doesn’t feel that simple. Somewhere along the way, listening to their own voice became complicated.

This often shows up in relationships. You might notice moments when something matters to you, but you stay quiet. Maybe you don’t want to upset someone, start an argument, or be judged. Perhaps it feels easier to go along with things than to explain how you really feel. Over time, these small moments can add up. Each time you don’t speak up, you may feel a little less connected to yourself.

For some people, self-trust is hard because they feel disconnected from their “gut feeling.” When your thoughts are racing or your body feels tense, it can be difficult to know what to listen to. You might overthink decisions, seek reassurance from others, or replay conversations long after they’ve happened. This doesn’t mean you lack insight—it often means your system is overwhelmed. For those who have been hurt or had difficult experiences, reconnecting with self-trust can feel especially hard.

Our nervous system plays a role in this. When we feel stressed or threatened, emotionally or relationally, our body focuses on staying safe. We might shut down, avoid difficult conversations, or try to please others. In these moments, it’s not that our inner voice disappears; it’s just harder to hear. Slowing down and paying attention to how your body responds can help you reconnect with what you already know.

Many of us also carry messages from earlier in life that affect how much we trust ourselves. You may have learned that your feelings were inconvenient, that your needs were too much, or that it was better to keep the peace than to speak honestly. These messages don’t disappear just because we grow up. They can quietly shape how we show up in adulthood.

Trusting yourself doesn’t mean always knowing what to do. It doesn’t mean being certain or fearless. More often, it means being willing to stay with discomfort without turning away from yourself. That discomfort might show up as guilt, anxiety, or fear of disappointing others. Learning self-trust means noticing those feelings and still allowing yourself to be honest.

So how do you begin to build trust in yourself?

Start small. Self-trust grows through everyday choices. It might be as simple as acknowledging how you feel instead of brushing it off, honouring a preference, or setting a small boundary. These moments may not feel dramatic, but they matter.

It also helps to remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger. Doing things differently often feels uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to putting others first. Feeling uneasy doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. In many cases, it means you’re doing something new.

Values can be a helpful guide when you’re unsure. You may not always know the “right” decision, but you can ask yourself whether a choice aligns with what matters most to you—things like honesty, respect, connection, self-care, or fairness. Trusting yourself often means choosing what feels true, even when it’s not easy.

As you build self-trust, relationships may change. Some may grow stronger. Others may feel more strained, or even come to an end. This can be painful, but it’s also part of the process. Trusting yourself brings clarity about which connections support your well-being.

Over time, self-trust tends to create a quiet sense of calm. Not because life becomes simpler, but because you’re no longer fighting against your own experience. Confidence grows slowly. Being yourself feels less effortful. And your relationships, whether they stay the same or change, become more honest.

Trusting yourself isn’t about becoming louder or more certain. It’s about staying connected to yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. And for many of us, that ongoing connection is what allows us to live with greater ease and integrity.